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We asked world-renowned critics and hecklers, Statler & Waldorf (aka “those two old guys in the balcony”) to review the new Muppet movie “THE MUPPETS” which is coming out on Blu-ray & DVD on March 20, 2012.
STATLER: Why are we here?
WALDORF: To review “The Muppets!”
S: They stink! We hate ‘em! Throw the bums out!....Okay, what’s next?
W: No, you old fool, I’m talking about their movie, “THE MUPPETS”. It’s being released on Blu-ray & DVD.
S: It’s not being released….it escaped!
W: That joke is almost as old as you….
S: Nah, nothing’s that old…..Okay, let’s talk about the movie. I liked a lot of it – especially the parts with those two old guys who look like us.
W: That was us.
S: And we were great. So were all those cameo guest stars.
W: Yeah, we’d mention ‘em by name, but they only agreed to do the movie if we didn’t tell anyone they were in it.
S: Why didn’t we think of that?
W: Jason Segel was good, too. He’s a very funny guy.
S: My favorite was Amy Adams. She’s so beautiful and talented.
W: ….Which makes her the exact opposite of the Muppets!
S: And don’t forget the movie has an Oscar-nominated song in it, too – “Man or Muppet”
S: I vote for woman.
W: That’s not one of the choices.
S: I’ll do a write-in.
W: By the way, have you checked out the extra features on the Blu-ray and DVD?
S: I sure did! On Blu-ray, when you pause, there’s an “intermission” feature that lets the Muppets take over your screen.
W: Scary!....Personally, I like Muppet Blooper reels on both Blu-Ray & DVD
S: Muppet Blooper….Isn’t that redundant? I thought their whole career was a blooper!
W: How true….But y’know my favorite part of having “The Muppets” on Blu-ray & DVD?
S: What’s that?
W: You can turn ‘em off!
S: Brilliant! Let’s get two copies so we can both turn ‘em off!
You asked the questions, and we've got Statler and Waldorf's answers here:
What’s Miss Piggy’s real age?
STATLER: She’s not as old as we are….
WALDORF: ….but nobody is.
STATLER: As for her exact age, we really couldn’t say…
WALDORF: ….At least not without sustaining severe injury.
How does Kermit the Frog stay so green?
WALDORF: I hear he soaks daily in pond scum.
STATLER: So do I!
WALDORF: That explains why my socks are wet.
STATLER: Sorry ‘bout that.
Why isn't it easy being green?
STATLER: It’s not so bad if you’re a frog…
WALDORF: …but for everybody else, turnin’ green means you’re probably past your expiration date.
STATLER: Just like us.
Where do you get such timeless material?
STATLER: I don’t wear a watch.
WALDORF: That joke is old and tired.
STATLER: So? What are you gonna do about it?
WALDORF: Sell it to Fozzie Bear!
What’s the lyrics for you two old geezers from the Muppets Christmas Carol?
STATLER: Ah yes, you mean the lyrics to our solo song – “Marley and Marley!”
WALDORF: Written by the great Paul Williams!
STATLER: Whenever I’m asked this question, I always give the same answer: “Look it up on the internet!”
WALDORF: That isn’t a very nice answer
STATLER: Thanks.
Why do you always go there if you think it is a torture to have to watch the show?
WALDORF: The price is right.
STATLER: It’s free.
WALDORF: Wait a second, I thought we were being paid.
STATLER: Nope.
WALDORF: Okay…I’m outta here!
I thought you two gave a great performance in "The Muppets", were you two surprised that you didn't get a best supporting actor nomination at the Oscars?
STATLER: We were great in “The Muppets”
WALDORF: The best thing in the movie.
STATLER: Except for Amy Adams.
WALDORF: We love Amy Adams.
STATLER: She makes our pacemakers skip a beat.
WALDORF/STATLER: Sigh!
STATLER: As for an Oscar, we don’t really care about winning one ourselves.
WALDORF: We’re just happy “The Artist” won.
STATLER: We always knew silent movies would make a comeback!
What is your ideal summer vacation?
STATLER: Someplace warm and sunny…
WALDORF: … and far away from the Muppets.
STATLER: Or even cold and wet…
WALDORF: ….and far away from the Muppets.
STATLER: Oh forget the climate, just get us far away!
WALDORF: And step on it!
Any chance that we will see you two upstaging Fozzie anytime soon?
STATLER: As long as we’re alive we’ll be upstaging Fozzie…
WALDORF: And even after that, we’ll still have more life than his act.
Is Pepe a lady's shrimp?
WALDORF: That’s what he tells everybody, but we don’t believe it.
STATLER: Yeah, what kind of woman would go out with Pepe?
WALDORF: And does she have two friends for us?
What’s your favorite part of the movie?
STATLER: Tex Richman’s Song – “The Answer is No”
WALDORF: Performed by that great actor and rap artist, Chris Cooper.
STATLER: It’s so lively and upbeat….
WALDORF: …and mean-spirited.
STATLER: What’s not to love?
Who’s your favorite Muppet?
WALDORF: Waldorf.
STATLER: Nah, I can’t stand him. I prefer Statler.
Who was your favorite celebrity guest star?
STATLER: I liked Jack Black who appeared in “The Muppets”
WALDORF: He was tied up and held against his will.
STATLER: Just like us!
WALDORF/STATLER: Get us out of here!.....Untie me!....
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